Not even a month after graduation, funding fell through to go to the bible institute, and I was highly discouraged with that predicament. I was asking myself, "why would God even have me accepted into this school, just to not let me be able to go?! Especially when it's for missions and I'm not the only one benefiting from this, but I mean hey, I'm helping my homeboy God out too. I mean really!?" At this time I was interning as a small group leader in the youth group I had just "graduated" from with the 7th and 8th grade girls.
The month after finding out I wouldn't be residing across the country, the youth group had gone on their summer camp, that I couldn't attend because of money, called BigStuf. When they came back, the youth was completely changed. They were stoked about how God worked during that week and wanted to get even more in to Word. So I volunteered to lead the girls bible study because many of the girls were talking about it. At our first bible study, we named our group the FireBurners, because they wanted to "keep the fire burning" from the camp they just went to. I also continued to lead the youth band and be a small group leader, since I wasn't heading up north.
And through being involved in the youth group as a leader, I cannot even begin to explain how much it has blessed my life. I've been able to see my 7th & 8th grade girls grow into young, godly women of Christ and see them fall in love with Christ. And now they're in high school. Getting permits. Going to proms. When did that happen?! And through being a small group leader, it's helped me to make boundaries and more conscious of my actions. Because I don't want to do anything that I wouldn't want my girls or my girls parents seeing me doing.
And to think that I was beyond angry with God for not allowing me to be able to go to the bible institute, that I waited for a response for 5 months mind you, I've realized that He was in the works of something bigger than that plan.
I wouldn't have been able to be a small group leader. I wouldn't have been able to continue to lead a praise band. I wouldn't have been able to discover my passion for massage therapy. And I wouldn't be the person I am now.
One of my girls was asking me "Why does everything happen to me? Why is do I have to go through this?" And I felt the same way when everything went downhill after graduation. Found out I couldn't go to my bible institute. Found out I could get a grant for a community college. After I leave the school, I get a voicemail saying "I'm sorry, We must have missed something. You don't apply for the grant." I did have a job that I was at for 3 years with no raise or promotion.
***AND THEN***
When I finally let go of trying to control everything and made room for God to move in my life, He got his tennis on and started running a marathon. I was able to see these 7th and 8th grade girls grow in Christ and rededicate their lives to God and get baptized. I got rebaptized. I was provided with a better paying, reliable job. And I grew stronger with my amazing Lord.
Don't think everything is amazing and my story is a walking fairy tale now, but when I'm faced with a situation that seems like nothing good is going to come out of it, I try to think of times where God has used horrible circumstances, to glorify him. And Christ is most glorified, when we are most satisfied in Him. And let me tell ya something, I'm beyond satisfied.
My reply to my girl:
"God is not putting you through anything you can't handle. When going through tough times, instead of thinking 'Why am I going through this', think 'What is God trying to teach me through this.'"
And it may be awhile, it took me about two years to catch on to what God was trying to tell me. And I finally figured that out when I let go of trying to control things, God will do his magic.
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